In Limbo

After a month in England, I am now back in Bali. I am feeling a bit strange, as if I am caught between two worlds. In my dreams I am still in England, but when I wake I am in Bali. I am in a fog, walking around in a daze, unable to think clearly or articulate how I feel. Is this a form of jet lag? Or just the holiday blues?

I have two families, and two separate lives, and it is hard to keep both happy. I seem unable to integrate the two, so they have to remain separate, and while doing so, I am feeling torn. I feel as if I am standing on a precipice, unsure of where to turn.

Being in England was wonderful, reconnecting with old friends and family was amazing, and felt so natural and easy. Yet I was still an outsider, a visitor, a nomad with nowhere to call my own. I don’t belong there, but coming back to Bali I feel a bit lost here too. Perhaps I am just tired, but I feel confused.

What I loved about England was the cleanliness, and the awareness. Things are being done about environmental issues. Solar panels can be seen on the roofs of houses all across the country. Recycling is being taken seriously and is well organised. Drivers follow the road rules, and are courteous!! The streets are clean. Bali could learn a great deal, especially when it comes to solar power. We have sun all year around, so it would be the obvious solution. We do not have enough electricity to go around here, PLN is overloaded, yet no alternative solutions are being explored. The rubbish situation is out of control, but at least Bye Bye Plastic bags is on the case to change that for the better.

I also loved the cheap wine! I drank wine every single day, and ate bread and cheese. Things that feel like luxuries here in Bali. I brought back a supply of Marmite that should last me a couple of years!

I loved the long summer evenings. We sat out talking several nights until past 10pm, and it was still light, and reasonably warm. The weather was amazing, sunshine every day except two. England really is at its best in the sunshine, green grass, for miles to see, cows grazing peacefully, and people enjoying a picnic under the shade of a large leafy tree. We walked through forests and fields, played tennis in the park, and went down the river in Cambridge on a punt. We had the full English experience.

I appreciated the architecture, some of the colleges in Cambridge are over 500 years old. Even my parents’ house is over 200 years old! I also loved the hustle and bustle of London. The street performers and buskers are so talented and entertaining. I enjoyed strolling around, soaking up the atmosphere, chatting to strangers. I even had a conversation with a man dressed as a dog!

We packed so much in to the four weeks that we were in England, it is now taking me a while to process it all. Its also taking a while to settle back in to my normal routine, and adjust to the heat and humidity here.

So for now, I am in limbo, until I can clear my head and make some decisions about where to go from here….stay tuned

8 thoughts on “In Limbo

  1. It does happen, most especially when we have spent some time in the previous place. You feel out of sorts, coupled with jet lag for quite a little while. We are creatures of habit and comfort and when a cycle of our habit breaks, it takes a breather to resume and pick up the thread where we left off. Be kind to yourself and regards.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can appreciate how difficult it must be to adjust to a different way of life after being away for so long. One of the things I’d miss terribly if I left England would be the long summer evenings. I’d also miss the old buildings and green countryside – although I wouldn’t miss all the rain that keeps it that way! 🙂 It sounds as though you had a wonderful time, and have some lovely memories to take back to Bali with you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Good post. It does look difficult to be at your place but this is what I assume will happen when I will visit my home in Pakistan again. I’ll be among them but will be feeling different. But I’m hoping it’ll be good different 😁

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  4. Welcome back to Bali! I can relate to this feeling of ‘limbo’ you describe – it’s like your mind is in a different place than your body. I always feel disoriented after having been gone a long time from wherever I consider ‘home’ to be at the time. Hope it’s gotten less ‘limbo-like’ now 🙂


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