Of all places to be lost, I guess Bali is not so bad. Ironically, I do not feel as lost here as I did in my home country. The locals like to believe that I actually am a reincarnation of a Balinese, and that this is my real home. I don’t know about that, but I do feel more at home here than I have ever felt anywhere else.
Growing up in England, I never felt like I belonged, I felt so different to my friends, and was always searching for something more. I even created my own language, and used to talk to myself in the playgrounds, wanting the other kids to find me exotic. I think they probably just found me strange! I loved learning languages, and communicating with people from other countries, so it was quite a natural progression to start travelling as soon as I was old enough. The more I traveled, the more alive I started to feel, I loved exploring out of the way places, and talking to the people. Whenever I came home, I immediately started planning my next trip. I was insatiable.
As soon as I finished my studies, I left England, and headed for Thailand. I knew I would never be back to stay for any length of time. I perhaps did not make that clear to my parents, who always thought I would come home eventually. I did not look back, I felt no feelings of loss. I think those I left behind felt it more than I did. I was looking forward, planning my next adventure, being spontaneous. I barely spared a thought for those back home that were worried sick, and hanging out for any information I would give. I lived on remote islands, where there was only a few other people, and I could walk around the island in an hour. There was no way to communicate. and I was happy with that. I felt so free!
I kept moving, and meeting amazing people, I was able to be myself, and let go of my past. I did not feel lost, I felt I had found my way! Meeting my husband felt so right, and we moved in together straight away, much to the shock of all back home. I have continued to forge my own way over the years, and have lost things along the way, but I know I made the right move, in order to avoid losing myself.
Coming up: releasing my British passport and embracing life as an Indonesian…stayed tuned